Thoughts.

So now that I'm retired, I have so much more spare time for myself! Less stuff to worried about, less problems to solve, less people to face, less brain cells to be killed and most importantly, more time for my friends! I've been missing out so much with them. We usually only have recess time to spend with each other but I guess 80% of my recess this year were used to do all my club stuff. Do this, see teacher, get documents signed, duty..... Sometimes when I think back all the stuff that I need to do, as a girl, I can't even believe that I've been through all these. It's like I'm made out of metal.

I recently just read back my previous posts. I never know I regretted so much getting this post. But now that it's all over, it's not that bad after all right? I wouldn't say my responsiblity stops when I retire, it continues. Until the next batch retire I guess. LOL. That's another year, which is long. Well, I'm responsible for them right? I made the decision to choose them and if anything goes wrong, I'm pretty dead.

 Taken during the interaction with Rosehill College, New Zealand.

My retirement speech lasted for at least 10 minutes. I wrote it the night before because I just got pretty emotional that night. You know, after a year, you're retiring. That feeling. It's weird how you want to retire as soon as possible throughout the whole year but that night, you just don't feel like letting go. It's a huge piece of puzzle in my high school life and now that it's gone, I actually feel quite empty. Weird isn't it? That's just why people say humans only appreciate it when you're about or you totally lost it. So true. But still, it's time to let go isn't it? Time to relax, time to step down. It's time to focus on my studies and enjoy the last 3 months of high school.

I still remember the day I cried in class. For approximately 35 minutes, 1 whole period. I just, cried. I failed to hold back my tears. I never never ever cry in front of others. That day was just, I don't know what to say. Maybe after so much of pressure, I just exploded. I spent everyday of my life throughout the whole year taking care of the club, spent so much time with it and in the end this is what I got? Those words really shot me down, I just broke down. In front of my classmates. Now that I think back it was pretty embarassing, I mean a 17 year old girl crying in class. Hah, what did they think about the at that moment man. Jing Yu is so weak, she's crying like a baby. And nobody even cared I guess, well, maybe not many realised. Which is a good thing, cause I don't want others to see me when I'm so weak. You know, as a Virgo, we just hide our feelings and be strong in front of others no matter what. And if a Virgo showed out his/her weak appearence in front of others, that means that he/she's really hurt. I was, hurt. To death. I still hate the teacher so much that I'll never forgive her. Or maybe eventually I will but she'll just be a bitch to me. I mean, no point hating her right? Wasting my energy. I should be happy :)

Well, I shall not think about these anymore. It's holidays, it's 20 days to trials, it's time to study. No time for other shits. I really need to work hard. Look at how smart my friends are now, I'm so far behind. I NEED TO RUN FASTER.  I guess this 2 weeks isn't holiday to us SPM candidates. HAHA Well, time to sacrifise a little. I don't really mind actually. I hope no one ruins my plan and eat up all my time. Sometimes your parents just force you to get out of the house for one whole day and it just pisses me off. I just hope to cover everything before school reopens then I can focus on exercises and past year papers. Just wanna reach my target. Which isn't really high. lol

Meh, I guess that's all for this post.

Signing off,
xoxo