Why does life gets so hard, I wonder. Will I be laughing at myself when I look back to the days when I'm older? What was the big deal? The quote 'no man is an island' couldn't hit me harder right now. I haven't been enjoying my life here in college. Things are so different than the happy months of 2014. Not sure what I did to deserve to be like that. I kept reminding myself about how it's okay not to feel alright at times. There's only 4 months left which isn't THAT long after all. But why does it feel so de demotivating when no one's there with me in this tough journey together?
I've been suffering from serious insomnia. It gets so bad that I wake up almost every two hours upon dreams I have. And dreams that are related to my daily life. All the worries and problems and nonetheless the people. It bothers me so much till it appears in my dream. Everyday. Multiple times. I haven't had a good sleep ever since I'm back at my dorm. I lose focus in class, can't really absorb lectures and not to mention that I lose focus when I'm studying. Things pop out every minute even when I try so hard to concentrate on my book. Things got pretty worst hasn't it.
I wish there's someone that can tell me. What have I done wrong? What do I need to reflect on myself? I want to know because I'm clueless. I've never stop thinking and reflecting the past but there isn't an answer that comes in mind. I'm strongly aware of how things need to change in order to survive the next 18 weeks no matter how I persuade myself that it's okay to be alone. It's okay to eat dinner myself for the next 4 months facing the walls of my room. Cause it's not okay, to me.
I've saw this coming along. It's in my expectations. I'm just not mentally prepared. Maybe it'll get better after a few weeks I assume. Things get better. It will.
Other than that, A2 have been stressing me out to the maximum. I am certainly not smart enough for a levels. Just hoping for a okay results for AS for me to be motivated for A2. And also I can't wait for tomorrow. It'll be a good day :)
Having a hard time debating if I should stop piano lessons or not.
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