Things I Learn From College

In a blink of an eye, college has come to an end. It felt like it was only last month where I step into this new and strange environment which I was scared of. Contradictory, it also felt like college lasted as long as high school did. Nonetheless, college is now past tense.

The college phase in life is short but challenging. Tho it only lasted for 17 months I've gone through lots of things that taught me about life lessons. Tho it was only 17 months, things have changed drastically and things will not be the same anymore. Sometimes I wonder if my decision on college was right, that did I actually made the right decision but all this thoughts won't change anything that has changed. As time passes, it will make us understand everything. Hopefully.

In college I've experience so much that I didn't expect myself to. I meet so many people (well, not that many) that opened up my eyes towards society. I thought some of them in high school was already extreme but I was clearly wrong. Some go to college to get into their desire university which are top in the world. I've never thought about that when I first sign up for college. I thought it was just a place where you make new friends and try to learn but enjoy at the same time. Well, people do make new friends, enjoy college life, dress up nicely everyday for class, join as many activities as they possibly can BUT still be able to manage their studies, get straight A's and enter top universities.

"Are they superheroes? " I wonder.

Most of them came with excellent SPM results which had a good base for them but I was different. I did so bad for my SPM, I had the worst SPM results in my class. Probably the worst in the whole college for A-levels. People will be wondering: why is this girl doing here? I don't even know. I don't know where did I gain the courage from to do A-Levels. I did not do research. I MUST BE CRAZY. I struggled throughout the whole course knowing that this is not the right one for me but I had to continue.

" You must end what you've started."

There were many points in my college life where I want to just give up and leave but there are so many reasons where I couldn't. Now that I look back, I don't even know how did I even managed to finish the whole course. I can't say I survived because my results are not out yet and the chances of failure is so damn high. I did bad. I know. But it was a crazy 17 months of studying all day, everyday. ( Maybe not because I'm such a lazy student)

When I register myself, the counselor told me that there will be no honeymoon period throughout the whole course and I DID NOT BELIEVE HIM. I thought it was a lie to scare me but I AM WRONG. That time I thought: How is that possible? How hard can it be? I guess I wasn't grown up enough to realize how much there is to learn, how much knowledge there is that I am not aware of. I felt so tiny at some point on how overwhelming it was. I always always tell my friends that I regret taking A-Levels, that I hate college so much because of A-Levels but now I think it was a journey that I decided to pass by. It toughens me up and I know I can face more challenges in the future. I learned that I should never give up so easily because when you do, there's no chance in succeeding.

I also came to realized that no one is responsible for your future. People might offer you help if you ask but no one will be there reminding you to get your work done, no one will be there for you to wake you up if you overslept for class, no one will remind you on your purpose here in college, no one will tell you what results you need to enter university. No one will always be there for you but yourself. This hit me hard as in my mind I thought: wow, I'm in the society now, in the real world. As much as I hate to accept the fact that I had to grow up, or I'm already grew up I had too. I realized I want to be a kid again, for once.

Loneliness was something I had to deal with in college. It wasn't something that I was afraid of nor dislike but something I have always tried to avoid. Who wants to be alone in this world? Sometimes when I ate dinner alone in my room, staring the white wall full of sticky notes with motivational quotes I wrote I felt genuinely lonely at some point. But after some time I got used to it and felt that it wasn't that big of a deal after all. I mean at least it was something I could deal with. I learned how to eat alone without feeling lonely, without needing someone to eat with me. I wanted to eat alone sometimes but still most of the times I still prefer to have someone with me whom I can talk to. Days where you spend hours studying, at times having a nice meal and ramble about how tough the papers was with someone was the only thing that can be look forward to.

I moved out during my second semester after I gained all the courage to do so. I wanted a new start from all the incidents that had happened during my first semester. Until now I can't digest the whole thing, still. Nonetheless I slowly come to realized that there isn't always an answer to everything. At times things just happen and you will never know why? how? was it my fault? what did I do wrong to deserve that? You just have to let things go and accept how things are at that moment. And when everyone is against you, if you did nothing wrong, side yourself. I believe people will slowly realized that after all it wasn't your fault.

How can a person change so drastically? Do I really want to know why? Sometimes I'm curious but most of the time, I think I better leave things the way it is now. At least you have the slightest respect from me, at least I don't hate you when I see you. I guess I'm afraid that I'll really hate you after knowing the truth.

Second semester was probably the best months of college life. I worked hard the most, I focus on my studies the most. There was a lot to get used to but I grew up learning things that I've never experienced before. Not until things went horrible during December. I was too drawn away from others. I tried too hard to fit in.

"Silence speak louder than words"

Therefore I had a torturing last semester. Things went nuts end of January. There was too much to take in and I broke apart. It was the loneliest throughout college, realizing that I had no one by my side. It affected my studies terribly. There wasn't any motivation. None. Zero. Nope, Negative. I was grateful for my AS grades but slowly as A2 gets nearer, I finally realized how bad it is to continue with. All the stress with uni applications kicked in. There were 100 things to worry about each day. The idea of differing even popped out. But it's all over now. For now at least.

Forgive and move on but remember, always.

I hope college has brought me somewhere in life. I hope I've learned what I needed to and carry on with the next phase of life. Honestly, I can't wait for university life. I know it'll be tiring and surprising but now that I'm too relaxed, I kind of feel guilty. The CAL impact. Thinking about getting a job to gain some experience and of course get things off from my checklist. I've been resting for three weeks now and so far so good I guess.

Jing Yu